I feel a little all over the place. Exhausted, for one. But I've had so many wonderful messages on facebook, in text, in phonecalls - I have wonderful friends and thank you, all of you, for your support right now.
I'm at home, on my own. Nobody apart from me seems to think this is a good idea. This is the home I shared with him and I'm not going to avoid that. I can't do. I need to be here right now.
I'm so tired. We practically lived at the hospice this week and obviously, it's not been very easy to sleep. But the staff there were incredible. I can't thank them, or praise them enough for what they did. They were all wonderful and made him smile, laugh and feel comfortable in his most vulnerable time. Until you have to actually use a hospice I don't think you can fully appreciate just what they do and how important they are. Without how they supported us all we wouldn't have been able to get through this like we have done. We stayed together as a family, they helped us do that right there by his side every step of the way. Knowing we were there through it all means so much to me, and to my sisters.
He was one hell of a man. We had a rocky few years because we just didn't understand each other for a long time but when he and my mother split up and it was just the two of us, we became so close. It's honestly like losing my best friend right now. I talked to him about everything. Coming home to him was just something I took for granted and I see that now I can't ever do that again. Cancer is a horrible, horrible disease and it took a good man away from people that loved him far too soon. There is still so much he had to do, could do. He had such talent with his writing, with cooking. He'd always dreamed of being a chef but that'll never happen. I'm just thankful that in his last months we got a book of his poems together and sold. The hospice will also be selling them in their shops etc which I think is fantastic; a real legacy for a man with real talent.
I love my Dad. And I already miss him. I'm so, so greatful though for what we had and what we shared. I couldn't have asked for more.